Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Sepp Blatter’s resignation rumours prompt half a million Iraqis to flee their homes

Terror gripped the streets of Mosul as word spread that the President of the ‘Fédération Internationale de Football Association’ (FIFA), or the ‘Quatari Savings and Loan Company’ as it is now known, may soon be replaced. Against a backdrop of sectarian violence, Mr. Blatter was seen as a symbol of hope, unity and an unwavering commitment to football tournaments occurring in deserts.

All footy should take place on sand

All footy should take place on sand

Mr. Blatter is respected the world over (provided you just count the votes of FIFA delegates) as the scourge of all shirtless footballers, accurate accounting and homosexual activity. A regular target for FIFA’s Ethics Committee and the Council of Europe, he is no stranger to allegations of monetary mismanagement but as a Swiss national, he comes from a country whose own financial propriety cannot be questioned.

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki has been forced to ask parliament to declare a state of emergency, having previously backed Mr. Blatter’s plans for female footballers to ‘wear tighter shorts’, ‘low cut shirts’ and ‘smell like Cristiano Ronaldo’. Meanwhile Islamist militants have now taken control of Mosul, demanding ‘improved goal line technology’.

Michael van Praag, boss of the Dutch Football Association, has urged Mr. Blatter to resign after 16yrs of presidency – and ‘worse PR than John Terry’. A spokesman for FIFA said: ‘Mr. Blatter is being unfairly targeted by racists – or members of Interpol’s fraud squad if you want specifics. For the people of Mosul, I urge you stay in your homes. Mr. Blatter was able to solve on-field racism with a handshake, so we are sure the same technique will work with any jihadist that burst through your door armed with a gun, an irrational hatred of western civilisation and a disregard for the offside rule’.


by @Wrenfoe


4 comments on “Sepp Blatter’s resignation rumours prompt half a million Iraqis to flee their homes

  1. nowstuffnow
    July 9, 2014

    Great style. Reblogged on nowstuffnowblog. wordpress.com

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on June 12, 2014 by in International Sport and tagged , , , , , , , .

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 482 other followers

Facebook Adoration

Blog Stats

  • 21,831 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter


Award Winning

Flib Zealots

Flib Favs

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Member of The Internet Defense League


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 482 other followers

%d bloggers like this: