Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Three-way conception an elaborate pocket-money scam


Undercover reporters have discovered that the government’s backing for three-person IVF is no more than ‘an elaborate front’ for a fraudulent attempt on the part of children to gain access to additional parental guilt, a third more birthday presents and an increased chance of double-barrelled surnames. It has long been noted that rising divorce rates were due to manipulative kids capitalizing on the lucrative ‘step-parent racket’, but this latest ‘shakedown’ is more than just an attempt to make orphans feel ‘33% worse about themselves’.

Every egg is unique. Yours is the third from the left...or is it the second? Maybe that one at the back? I'm not sure now.

Every egg is unique. Yours is the third from the left…or is it the second? Maybe that one at the back? I’m not sure now.

The UK fertility regulator admitted that there are perils to having a suplimentary biological parent; including more people to hide your school report from, extra teenage nagging and a ‘longer wait time’ until the inheritance kicks in. However, this is out weighed by having a whole extra parent ‘to play off one another’ when it comes to enforcing bedtime curfew. Slightly more cynical offspring attest to the benefit of keeping ‘a spare’ in reserve in the event of any suspicious ‘lego-based’ fatality.

 

The choice to go with two biologial mothers but just one father is seen as an endorsement of ‘hanky spit’ being wiped over your face over the merits of being taught to whistle. One in 6,500 are born with severe mitochondrial disease which can now be avoided, but more importantly ‘grandparent quotas’ and subsequent ‘sweet consumption’ will become sixfold. As one scientist explained: ‘Dealing with multiple eggs lost in a vat of sperm is nothing new. Someone must have to wash Russell Brand’s pants.’

by @Wrenfoe

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This entry was posted on June 23, 2014 by in UK Science and tagged , , , , , .

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