The Truth about Goats
As more evidence emerges, or mysteriously/conveniently ends up as landfill, it is becoming increasingly plausible that successive 1980’s governments turned a blind eye to accusations of abuse. Burly members of the National Union of Mineworkers (NUM) have attested to being starved, beaten and ‘generally screwed’ throughout 1984–85 by a succession of Tory ministers. So intense was Conservative desire to give the National Union of Mineworkers (NUM) a ‘good seeing to’, they may have blurred the lines and spelling between to very disparate groups.
Many argue that endorsing child molestation or ‘…rodgering of pastey-faced men covered in soot’, are very different policies. Yet during the 80s Mrs Thatcher enjoyed Christmas with Jimmy Savile around an ironically blazing coal fire; causing Tory ministers to struggle with this mixed message. One anonymous backbencher claimed: ‘We so wanted to please Margaret, but we could never be sure what she wanted. One second she wanted Scargill’s head on a spike, the next she wanted Savile knighted. We didn’t know whether to fiddle small pickets or pick small fiddles.’
Under John Major’s leadership, the 90s saw a more conciliatory approach to the NUM and children; possibly forewarned by Cole Porter that ‘there’s no love song finer…change (sic) from major to minor’. However, it also emerged that MI5 had pursued counter-subversion against anyone with a history of ‘ore extraction’, but had happily turned a blind eye to anyone with a history of ‘dubious insertions’.
A spokeswoman for Theresa May, the current Home Secretary, announced a review into this confusion over policy misspelling and to ‘re-open any historic investigations…but not to re-open pits’. PM David Cameron promised no such errors would occur in the future, a spokesman confirmed: ‘We still plan to f@ck-over working class families – but in a wholesome way’.