The Truth about Goats
Despite a small head erupting from her vagina, a woman from Birmingham resolutely refused to be lulled by the Primark’s promise of cut-price designer wear. As her waters broke,cervix dilated and her 25%-off voucher expired, the unnamed lady dragged herself away from the lure of a sale on floral dresses. Groaning as her membranes ruptured, every maternal instinct made her abandon ‘bargain kids clothing’ in the hope her child would be born to ‘a better future…with better stitching’.
As events unfolded on New Street it became clear the mother was fearful that her new-born would be automatically enrolled in one of Primark’s sweat shops, that the queues for the birthing room would be too long and that her umbilical cord could get mistaken for ‘cheap belt’. Rachel Trombley, a worker at a local bookshop, spoke of her joy that the child would not be exposed to clothing that falls apart after two washes : ‘The crowd were cheering so we thought it must be something positive’.
Onlookers showered the new mother with money to encourage her to shop at Marks & Spencers on the corner. Many had been concerned that the baby would get thrown to the floor and lost under the discarded clothing that normally litters Primark. West Midlands Ambulance Service said mother and baby were ‘okay’ but warned other shoppers of the risk that Primark posed to anyone with a ‘hint of pikey’.