The Truth about Goats
While many have tried to end decades of conflict in the Palestinian occupied territories, there is a growing feeling in the international community that the only way to achieve regional stability is through the strident enforcement of ‘workplace welfare’. Rather than further peace talks, competitive games of shesh besh or the airlifting of Tony Blair’s ego; the warring factions will be encouraged to fill out UN-approved risk assessment forms and attend Health & Safety seminars on ‘the correct distance to stand from a lit rocket’.
In accordance with H&S regulations, Israel has urged Palestinians to abandon their homes to avoid air strikes, RSI and ‘nagging splinters’. Refugees fleeing with their belongings are instructed to ensure ‘appropriate manual lifting’ is observed when ‘carrying a sofa on your head’. In addition, rockets launched on Israel by Hamas militants are expected to have warning stickers informing children of the ‘choking hazard’ posed by a Khaibar-1 M302.
On 8 July Israel launched its ‘Operation Protective Edge’, designed to guard against ‘running with scissors’. A Tel Aviv spokesman said: ‘We have run out of ideas to restore peace, so a detailed health and safety policy may well be the solution. Although our First Aiders may not have enough plasters to cope with the 1,100 mortar shell dropping on their heads’.
Palestinian officials claim Israeli raids have killed 204 people so far but admit this could easily have been avoided if combatants had been made aware of ‘nut allergies’. While the UN Relief Agency (UNRWA) said 560 homes had been destroyed due to a lack of ‘suitable workstations and appropriate waste containers’. A UNRWA official confirmed: ‘Gaza can easily become a safer environment if we just use ergonomic keyboards, swivel chairs with back support and clear evacuation posters to the nearest bomb shelter’.