The Truth about Goats
Pop star Tulisa Contostavlos’s trial over drugs allegations has collapsed due to evidence being tainted by ‘proximity to News Corporation’. In a landmark equality ruling, the Sun on Sunday (SoS) has been adjudged to be as ‘piss poor’ as the News of the World (NoW); and should have access to the same levels of derision, litigation and Liverpudlian contempt as its predecessor.
A mathematics expert explained: ‘From a statistical perspective, coincidences are inevitable and the coincidence that SoS and NoW both having appalling bad journalism is a synchronicity between the fallacious and the revolting – a falla-ting if you will’. In support of this, one reader commented: ‘If sh$t journalism was a Venn diagram then the News of the World and The Sun would be two completely overlapping circles. It’s like déjà vu but with tits’.
The paradox of probability theory states: ‘If defamation, entrapment and fetid bias occurs – Rupert Murdoch’s buttocks will surely be nearby’. The level of crossover between the two papers is ‘spooky’; it is almost as if officials at the papers had taken bribes – which would be ironic on a whole series of levels.
One bemused Australian billionaire said: ‘By employing the same bunch of amoral editors, scurrilous reporters and illegal practises, we were sure that the Sun on Sunday would be a completely different can of beans than the News of the World. Fortunately we have a talented, red-haired yet recently unemployed editor available to steer things in another direction. Her name? Oh, I don’t think you know her.’