Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Elderly Bishops approaching death suddenly see ‘wiggle room’ with right to die


Despite the word of God being ‘absolute’, senior retired members of the clergy are increasingly of the opinion that the gospel is less a set of rules but more of a ‘guideline stroke cryptic crossword’. Specifically, the previously opposed Assisted Dying Bill is receiving ringing from endorsements from ex-Bishops who are coincidently ‘feeling under the weather’, en route to a care home and nearing the ‘episcopal glue factory’.

It's only a matter of time

It’s only a matter of time

Naturally there is some suspicion that their bus pass rather than their bible may be weighing slightly more heavily on their conscience. One outraged Bishop said: ‘Heaven forbid that we are making declarations of faith based on transient personal circumstance. Oh dearie me, no. Just because I’ve started peeing blood, my pacemaker needs replacing and I can’t remember my children’s names – doesn’t mean I’m worried at death. Now…where did I leave that Swiss air ticket?’

Current Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has called the bill ‘mistaken and dangerous’ but, as a sprightly 58 year old, he may not yet feel the boney fingers of fate upon his shoulder. To assist him in getting some perspective on encroaching death, Mr. Welby has agreed to allow Desmond Tutu (82) to tell him about being buried alive, Slender Man short stories and re-runs of ‘Horne & Corden’.

Meanwhile the previous Archbishop, Lord Carey (78). may also be hedging his bets not just about the process of death but also about the afterlife. Friends have attested to seeing Lord Carey apologizing to Richard Dawkins, praying to Buddha and ‘sacrificing a goat to Beelzebub’. However, he has stated that his age has not influenced his faith but has helped him realize Jesus loves ‘nipple-high trousers’, ‘werther’s originals’ and the ‘smell of wee’.

 

by @Wrenfoe

facebook.com/FlibNews

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on August 5, 2014 by in UK News and tagged , , , , , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 543 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,115 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: