Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

August reminds teachers how much they love teaching


As their second week of holiday looms, ink stains fade and the Prozac leaves their system most teachers are reminded just how rewarding their job is if only they could phase out their students. As one relaxing classroom assistant commented: ‘It’s not that I hate the children, I ‘m just saying its nice to be without my nervous twitch, sense of impending doom and the irrational desire to adopt the foetal position every time I see hear a school bell’.

A teacher unwinds with a big pile of books

A teacher unwinds with a big pile of books

A recent poll of secondary teachers suggest paperwork is as much as halved during the July-August periods and that the majority of staff only cry themselves to sleep just once or twice. An eminent psychologist suggested: ‘Removing the cause of stress allows the average teacher to enjoy the sort of things you and I take for granted – exposure to sunlight, the respect of their peers and the ability to perform sexually.’

As their self-loathing recedes, there is a slight concern that teachers may start to become resentful of other more glamorous professions; such as pig inseminator, asbestos taster or friend to George Osborne. One Head Teacher explained: ‘Managing an ever changing curriculum and demoralized workface is like getting cats to march in a line. Hmmm…there’s a thought – cat line manager. Is that a real job? Where can I apply for that? Or shark wrangler?’

An unnamed Geography teacher remarked serenely: ‘I’m only dealing with a dozen or so scripts and emails a day…it’s almost like an office job. If that office also came with a gnawing sense that in September someone was going to sh@t on your head from a very great height’. Yet an extended break from the classroom may also come at a cost; teachers will not be able to confiscate people’s mobile phones, deny them toilet breaks or maintain a sense of morality superiority that comes with having made a ‘really bad life decision’

by@Wrenfoe

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on August 7, 2014 by in UK Education and tagged , , , , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 549 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 35,268 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: