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Teenage boy admits he may have eaten the last of the cereal‏

In a shock announcement, an unnamed fifteen year old boy from Cirencester has confessed to relatives that he, rather than ‘a plague of locusts’, is responsible for the recent decimation of the food larder. Up until now family members had assumed a family of rats had feasted overnight to account for the loss of a tub of ice cream, several bags of chocolate chip cookies and a frozen meat dish of indiscriminate age and origin.

Another five hundred of these and I'll be full

Another five hundred of these and I’ll be full

Where quite precisely the boy has now stored the excess calories scientists are at a loss to say, but many see this as indirect proof of the ‘hollow legs’ theory of transcendental dimensionality. The loss of cereal was particularly mysterious as the crockery seemed untouched; although his sister feared he had simply emptied the muesli directly into his mouth, added milk and conglomerated it into an unwholesome sludge.

Along with the forfeiture of prodigious amounts food, it is hoped that the lad will also be able to shed light on the disappearance of three boxes of kleenex and his father’s limited edition of ‘Razzle’s Reader’s Wives’ circa 1988. A lawyer for the boy said: ‘My client is very sorry for the loss of eighteen cup a soups™. In his defence, he had just smoked an ounce of weed’.

Both parents have resigned themselves to the fact they will need to get second jobs and re-mortgage to sustain their child at his current levels of consumption. They have appealed to Oxfam for food to be re-directed Gloucestershire and have contacted local hospitals for ‘first dibs’ on any off-cuts. What is more worrying is that his hunger shows no signs of being sated and no one has seen the family dog since Wednesday.

by @Wrenfoe


8 comments on “Teenage boy admits he may have eaten the last of the cereal‏

  1. Inchcock
    August 13, 2014

    I like it… I like it!


  2. Wrenfoe
    August 13, 2014

    It’s a serious issue sweeping the nation 😀


  3. marqueeindia20004
    August 14, 2014

    Yes, I remember my brother in his teen years when he looked surprised to see the wish bone which he plucked out of the chicken and my ever sarcastic sister commented, ‘why are you so shocked since you do have three quarters and a little more of the chicken on your plate ! ‘He, he !


  4. Wrenfoe
    August 14, 2014

    The world is divided between teenage boys and people who eat moderately. The trouble is, I fear I have the stomach of a teenager but the weak and feeble body of an ageing male.


  5. Scarlet
    August 14, 2014

    Yes, sweeping the nation is a serious issue considering all the crumbs that teenage boys leave on the kitchen floor and on other hard, or soft, surfaces.


    • Wrenfoe
      August 14, 2014

      In their defence – If they spotted the crumbs they’d eat them 😀


  6. Lindy Moone
    August 16, 2014

    Ah, yes, I remember the days. On one side of the table: my 6’4″ teenaged brother. On the other side, the 6 other members of the family.

    Ready, set, eat! And may God have mercy on your soul. And fingers.


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This entry was posted on August 13, 2014 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , , , , , .

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