The Truth about Goats
Having passed a resolution to sue President Barack Obama for constitutional over-reach, the US House of Representatives has decided to extend their frivolous litigation to include anyone ‘…who makes us look incompetent’. To this end Congressman Pete Sessions of Texas has instructed lawyers to draw up papers against North Vietnam, Edward Snowden and the inventor of the bidet.
Top of their list is the working poor, who have deliberately undermined the American Dream by steadfastly refusing to become billionaires. A spokesman for Speaker John Boehner said: ‘We are tired of the President over-using executive orders. Who does he think he is – Ronald Regan? And as for the destitute, they keep ruining perfectly good photo-ops with their sunken, off-white faces and teeth that have never seen a dental plan.’
Defending the Constitution, Republicans are also hoping to sue school children for declining to wear Kevlar body armour and subsequently undermining the NRA’s goal of putting ‘…a gun in every classroom’. One NRA lobbyist confirmed: ‘Too often a kid’s soft flesh purposefully surrenders to blameless bullets as part of a socialist conspiracy to make gun owners look unhinged’.
House Republicans released a statement: ‘Yes, we could try and fix our insanely high incarceration rates, obesity and drug use; but we could also take advantage of the fact we have the most lawyers per capita in the entire world. It’s a fundemental part of our Constitution to sue people we don’t like. Alright, it’s not explicitly written there but neither is stopping aid to veterans and look how well we are doing with that.’