The Truth about Goats
Members of the music press were delighted to hear that President Barack Obama has agreed to a compilation of military successes from the US back catalogue. Many die hard fans had expressed disappointment at the administration’s recent ‘easy listening’ peace songs and are hopeful they can return to their hard rock base; with songs like ‘Oils well that ends well’, ‘Korean takeaway’ and ‘Normandy Beach Boys’.
Air strikes this week against the Islamic State rebel group, are seen as a return to US musical grass roots – which led to a string of hits (over mainland Germany) in the 1940s. This ‘Best of’ will also include ‘San Juan Heights’, ‘Little Bighorn Blues’ and the lesser known pirate themed duet with Adam Ant, ‘Barbary Coast’.
What will not feature are any tracks from their drug-fuelled 70’s concept album ‘Wham Bam Thank You Nam’, which was heavily influenced by an excess of Agent Orange and a deranged Phil Spector. Nor will there be any reference to the band’s brief split in 1861, when the Confederacy decided to go solo for four years to controversially explore ‘…a more Black sound’.
US forces denied ‘cashing in on past glories’ as they liberated refugees trapped at Mt. Sinjar. A spokeswomen for the Whitehouse said: ‘Our decision to return to our early chart success is because we are about to tour the Middle East. Our fans expect the classics; death by mortar, death by bullet and death by thrash metal. We’ll be keeping things contemporary with a little drone fire but we’ll also be careful not to contravene the Geneva Convention by collaborating with Kanye West’.