Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Assange leaves embassy to become Crystal Palace’s new manager


Despite having been trapped in the Ecuadorean embassy since June 2012, the lure of taking over London’s tenth most important football club has proved too much for Julian Assange. His fear of extradition to the US, for publishing classified military documents, has paled into insignificance next to the challenge of taking over from Tony Pulis.

On the first day of training he was still a little camera shy

On the first day of training he was still a little camera shy

An embassy spokesman dismissed rumours that the Wikileaks founder was suffering from ill-health and required treatment, explaining: ‘Mr. Assange is a lifelong Eagles fan. This fact is often over-shadowed by his work spreading truth throughout the world. Exposing corruption and assassination is one thing, but Mr. Assange would much rather talk about having seen Ian Wright and Mark Bright play together’.

After Radio DJ David Kid Jensen, Mr. Assange is Palace’s most high profile supporter. He is said to have declared that ensuring Palace are ‘mathematically safe from relegation’ is more important than avoiding Swedish allegations of sexual assault. However, he did concede that fighting for Premiership survival would be harder than ‘…taking Bradley “Chelsea” Manning on a shopping trip to New Look’.

Meantime stories are circulating that Tony Pulis resigned his post, 48hrs before the start of the season, due to documents being leaked that link him to an illegal intervention in the Iraqi war. A confused Mr. Pulis said he had no idea where this information had come from; unconnected to this, Mr. Assange has confirmed Edward Snowden will be his new Assistant Manager.

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 547 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,906 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: