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Nigel Farage’s selection in jeopardy due to an allergy to real ale‏


UKIP members in the Kent constituency of South Thanet have been thrown into disarray by the unexpected hypersensitivity to unpasteurised beer of their frontrunner for the 2015 general election. Having quaffed over 20,000 pints on the election trail to appear as an ‘everyman’ to voters, Mr. Farage has now become riddled with hives every time he swallows a mouthful of ‘Bishop’s Cock’.

Only from this angle does the glass appear half full.

Only from this angle does the glass appear half full.

Mr. Farage’s candidature is now in the balance as he tries to build up an immunity to ‘Old Ringworm’, ‘Druid Fluid’ and the what he describes as an ‘…unpalatable East European Import’. Cask ale, that for so long had been his ally in avoiding policy questions, has now become his nemesis; reducing Mr. Farage to a runny nose, eczema and wheezy xenophobia attacks.

One disillusioned voter said: ‘I can’t vote for someone who is unable grin inanely while drinking in a pub. That was the one thing about UKIP I liked, the grinning and then the drinking. Grin. Drink. Then grin some more. If he’s just going to do the grinning I might as well vote for a chimp! It takes a great man to be able to grin and then drink. Just grinning? Any old fool can do it.’

Although the Conservatives won the seat in 2010 with a majority of 7617, political observers claim that just the sight of one ‘white, middle-aged drunk in tweed’ could swing all the votes to UKIP. A representative for Mr Farage assured voters: ‘…that he will do his best to fight off the itchiness that comes with a Velvet Merkin’.

 

by @Wrenfoe

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6 comments on “Nigel Farage’s selection in jeopardy due to an allergy to real ale‏

  1. R Wood
    August 27, 2014

    Very astute. I still remain bemused as to why increasing numbers of former Labour voters don’t seem to have realised that Farage is a ‘Thatcherite’ with an inane grin.

  2. Wrenfoe
    August 27, 2014

    A bigger shock is that no dentist has volunteered to do something about those ill-fitting teeth of his 😀

  3. Inchcock
    August 27, 2014

    If ex Nazi dentist Amon Goeth is still alive, he might help him out?
    I’ll put the kettle on then…

  4. Wrenfoe
    August 27, 2014

    lol

  5. Scarlet
    August 28, 2014

    He will be fine so long as he doesn’t also develop an allergy to nicotine.
    Sx

  6. Wrenfoe
    August 28, 2014

    😀

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This entry was posted on August 27, 2014 by in UK Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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