The Truth about Goats
A Social Mobility Commission study has discovered that those who really run the UK are woefully under-represented on the only thing that matters to the British public – Talent Shows . As a new season of the X Factor begins on Saturday, Simon Cowell has been forced to admit that very few senior diplomats, civil servants or ‘people like Steve Brookstein’ will be appearing on the programme.
While small elites, educated at independent schools, still dominate the business and political world, they are being excluded from trying to pronounce Cheryl Cole’s new surname. A Child Poverty spokeswoman said: ‘An infant born to millionaire parents, regardless of ability, can expect to run a major corporation or political party but they will never get the chance to meet Ant & Dec. This is wrong. It’s just wrong. Social mobility should be for everyone, not just the Shanes and Chers of the world’.
Even though the majority of senior journalists daily endorse their privileged upbringing, nothing sways public opinion like a ‘…singer’s sob story about a dead grandparent’. One senior armed forces officer complained: ‘You can not ask the question – has Britain Got Talent – without proportionately representing those in power. My family have owned 17% of West Sussex since we invaded in 1066; this should at least get me to the quarter finals of the X factor! What’s Chico got that a Viscount hasn’t?’
We asked a leading sociologist to explain: ‘If anything, the talent show format – of taking a moderately-talented under-achiever and then imbuing them with great wealth and power – should be the perfect vehicle for Eton’s boys. We’ll never have a fair society until High Court Judges are judged by Louis Walsh’