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Exposure to 70’s entertainment and Sun journalism leads to prison suicides


The Justice Secretary, Chris Grayling, has denied claims that the prison service is in ‘crisis’ due to a rising population of 70’s DJs and NewsCorp employees depressing existing inmates, with their mundane trivia and inept journalism. Outbreaks of violence are common place as prisoners are routinely exposed to 8-tracks of the Bee Gees and stories about the sex lives of footballers.

Who you are locked up with can be worse than being locked up

Who you are locked up with can be worse than being locked up



Prison guards attest to seeing friction between rival groups of 70’s celebrities and News of the World editors. One guard reported: ‘The Journos spend their time luring the radio presenters with images of topless teenagers, then putting them on a register once they bite. Of course the DJs get their revenge by stabbing the Hacks with a shiv fashioned from a sharpened OBE medal’.

This lack of contemporary music or grammatically correct headlines, has caused a significant rise in the number of assaults by prisoners. The Chief Inspector of Prisons spoke of a ‘political and policy failure’ and a dangerous ‘underestimation’ of the number of corrupt Murdoch journalists. In turn, Mr. Grayling was forced to admit that gaoling an entire decade may have been an error and that overcrowding was the inevitable result of an excess of space hoppers, bell bottoms and monster perms.

The Howard League for Penal Reform also reported that prison officer numbers had dropped by 30% but there had been proportional increase in the number of prisoners on the BBC payroll. A Home Office spokesman confirmed: ‘If prisoners want a better class of entertainer or journalist, they’ve got to hope that Jonathan Ross gets nicked for parking fines. Ultimately the way to avoid a prison term with these reprobates is to not break the law…or failing that, work in the financial sector’.

by @Wrenfoe

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6 comments on “Exposure to 70’s entertainment and Sun journalism leads to prison suicides

  1. marqueeindia20004
    September 4, 2014

    Watch out , the inmates may get desperate and find a way to incarcerate a fine journalist like wrenfoe and usher an era of erudite gaol term 101, a must for any journalist seeking to further his career!

  2. Wrenfoe
    September 4, 2014

    lol!

  3. Inchcock
    September 4, 2014

    Another good un midduck! Top marks.

  4. Wrenfoe
    September 4, 2014

    Cheers

  5. Denny Sinnoh
    September 4, 2014

    So, should the “Guardians of the Galaxy” soundtrack be pumped into all prisons?

    • Wrenfoe
      September 4, 2014

      Everyone deserves access to an awesome mixed tape

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This entry was posted on September 4, 2014 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , , , , .

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