The Truth about Goats
In news that has set gossip columnists’ tongues wagging, Hollywood’s favourite heartthrobs have revealed they have ‘tied the knot’ but have given no indication as to whom. This riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma has flummoxed the most insightful investigative journalists – after nine years of co-habiting and six children, who might Brad and Angelina have married?
Greeting the reports of a ‘Tinseltown Wedding’ most cynical hacks would start a countdown to the inevitable divorce, but this baffling puzzle has changed attitudes. One editor commented: ‘Naturally we immediately dismissed the idea that Mr Pitt & Miss Jolie would marry each other. That’s far too obvious and hardly newsworthy. We can only conclude that they’ve reignited flames with previous partners; maybe Jennifer Aniston, Jonny Lee Miller or David Dickinson?’
Another possibility being touted on social media is that Brangelina have wed a third party, to form a more powerful ‘menage et trois’ capable of greater box office appeal. Some agents have suggested that they may not have stopped at a union of three but have included all of Hollywoods ‘hot list’ – Jennifer Lawrence, Benedict Cumberbatch and Johnny Depp – forming ‘JenniBenniJonniBrangelina’ a five-headed uber-star.
A spokesman for the two love birds said: ‘Even though Gwyneth Paltrow is back on the prowl, I can confirm that neither Mr. Pitt or Miss Jolie has expressed any desire to consciously couple, re-couple or unconsciously read any of Miss Paltrow’s cookbooks. What I can confirm, is that after a decade long romance Brad and Angelina have done the one thing no one expected a pair of actors to do…stay together’.