Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

U2 to offer a free iPhone 6 with every album


In a futile attempt to appear relevant, boost sales and ‘keep Adam Clayton in hair dye’, the Irish rock band have been forced to entice listeners with an ever increasing number of freebies. Sceptical music fans. no longer impressed by The Edge’s collection of woolly bobble hats, have refused to engage with U2’s new album without the added bonus of ‘free apps’, ‘10% off at M&S’ and ‘three year’s interest free credit’.

Take your pick - the music will still sound awful

Take your pick – the music will still sound awful

So concerned have the band become that they will not sell any copies, that they have resorted to offering for gratis ‘laundry service’ to all iTunes users. Five hundred million Apple customers will be able have trousers pressed by Larry Mullen Jr, while Bono promises to ‘…get your whites really white’. Perhaps more humiliating still, is the image of band members lining street corners armed with a squeegee and the offer of a ‘CD with every windscreen wiped.’

This being their first album in five years, the veteran rockers are starting to appear desperate with these gimmicks. One advertising executive commented: ‘Initially their buy one get one free deal on The Joshua Tree seemed logical.  But at some point loss leaders simply become a loss. Having The Edge sneak copies of Songs of Innocence into kiddies cereal boxes is just lame’.

Bono has even pledged to ‘set fire to a rainforest’ to boost the band’s flagging profile. A spokesman for U2 said: ‘It’s not that Bono is taking time out from his philanthropic work and tax evasion, it’s just that he feels he needs to focus on getting the people of Africa to buy this modestly priced 11-track album. Just remember, every time someone clicks their fingers someone in the world hears a U2 song and says ‘turn that sh@t off”.

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

2 comments on “U2 to offer a free iPhone 6 with every album

  1. marqueeindia20004
    September 15, 2014

    Ha ha ha . This managed to crack a smile from a sour puss like me ! Keep going.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on September 15, 2014 by in International Arts and tagged , , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 543 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,115 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: