The Truth about Goats
In a copycat killing designed to reassure their shareholders, the Cable News Network (CNN) has released a grainy YouTube video purporting to be the ritual slaying of the ‘beloved’ television host and guru, Piers Stefan Pughe-Morgan . A masked executioner, sounding like Wolf Blitzer, is seen speaking to the camera decrying Morgan’s ‘crimes against journalism’, ‘smug imperialism’ and support for ‘…the Zionist Arsenal’.
The former talent competition judge is seen visibly shaken as he reads a prepared statement apologising for the mawkishness of ‘Piers Morgan’s Life Stories’, being ‘mean’ to Ian Hislop and not punching Kelvin MacKenzie ‘…when he had the chance’. Prime Minister David Cameron has labelled the killing an ‘outrage’ but President Obama has said it was ‘…fair enough’.
Meanwhile Islamic State (IS) have expressed outrage that CNN is plagiarizing their use of social media. Claiming the footage was faked, an IS spokesman said: ‘This is not the first time Mr. Morgan has been embroiled in hoax images of prisoners being abused. Here is a man who has been implicated in phone hacking, breached the Code of Conduct on financial journalism and played footsie with Sharon Osbourne – he cannot be trusted!’
Parent company CEO, Jeff Bewkes, is alleged to have ordered the killing to ensure CNN’s keeps its $8 billion valuation should the tie-up to Fox Corporation go ahead. A CNN extremist said: ‘This was a mercy killing. A mercy to all those poor viewers he had to watch him pontificating on TV. As I stand in the blood of the infidel, I can say Piers Morgan Live on CNN is now an oxymoron’.