The Truth about Goats
The software firm, Mojang, was excited to announce a $2.5bn synergy between their smash-hit computer game and the pretension of a ‘decision engine’. The Swedish firm hope that the US corporation can use the same Midas touch that turns any operating system into a ‘…painfully slower version of its predecessors’.
By combining the key components of Microsoft’s past triumphs, Mojang expects to ‘…gild their lily, with a virus that auto-loads unwanted software every time you boot up’. Leaving the company as multi-millionaires, Mojang’s three founders were unavailable for comment but have allegedly squandered their wealth on a two-mile high Lego-like mansion ‘…complete with a roller coaster powered by redstone’.
Not every Minecraft fan is excited about this acquisition, One player commented: ‘Delving deep into bowels of the earth for diamonds has still got to be quicker than asking Bing for a restaurant recommendation’. Meanwhile, Microsoft has promised to maintain Minecraft across all its existing platforms, with all the stability of a ‘…copy of Windows ME purchased on a Taiwanese holiday’.
Since 1987 Microsoft has purchased an average of six companies a year, all of which having been great successes; like ‘Danger mobile software’ for $500 million, ‘LinkExchange’ for $265 million and ‘Nipples for Men’ at $1.67. One marketing expert is convinced that Minecraft fans would much rather be ‘fending off Creepers’ in a Windows environment: ‘Microsoft take things and make them better. Look at what they did to Hotmail! Oh…hold on…er…hotmail, huh? Um…Mojang may have made a terrible error.’