The Truth about Goats
Thanks to a team of lawyers and a sharp discrepancy between expected versus actual results; the ‘once-radical’ Muslim cleric was seen skipping from a Jordanian court, bathed in an ‘I told you so’ smile. While insufficient evidence was cited as the reason for his acquittal, there is a strong feeling that cosmic forces may have played a part in making the UK’s Home Secretary, Theresa May, look like ‘…a complete numpty’.
The situational irony does not stop there; as Mr. Qatada had spent years avoiding deportation only to discover the Amman State Security Court is far more agreeable than Nigel Farage. Having been under worldwide embargo by the United Nations, Mr. Qatada can now expect a return to normality – if by normal you mean watching Sky Sports, gardening and issuing ‘…the odd fatwa’. Like Dorothy, the means for Mr. Qatada to get home had always been with him – he only needed to click his heels together and say ‘There’s no legal system like Jordan’s’ three times.
His lawyer explained: ‘My client had been incarcerated in Britain in 2002, but never gave up hope. In recent years, seeing Rebekah Brooks valiantly prove her innocence gave Mr. Qatada the self-belief that anyone could get away with anything; provided you prevaricate long enough, destroy the evidence and blame Andy Coulson’.
Mr. Qatada, whose real name is Omar Othman or You-lucky-lucky-S.O.B, has said he plans to capitalize on recent events by ‘…buying every lottery ticket he can’. Meanwhile Theresa May is left to ponder the future legality of evidence obtained by torture; but has not ruled it out as a method for obtaining votes. In other, unconnected, news Oscar Pistorius has requested his sentencing take place in Jordan.