Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Doctors admit clusters ‘bad’ in surgery but ‘good’ in cereal


Advertsing experts and medical professionals are now at loggerheads over the division of adjectives to describe unpleasant illnesses versus moreish wheat-based meals. Some members of the public have been duped by the promise of ‘irrestible flakes’, only to catch themselves choking on the remains of ‘a nasty case of psoriasis’. Likewise a ‘nut cluster’ may be a cause celebration at breakfast but a concern during a prostate examination.

You wouldn't want this growing on your back

You wouldn’t want this growing on your back

However, it not just the cereal industry that has suffered; operating theatres have been inundated with gall-bladder patients demanding the ‘free-toy’ trapped inside them. In turn, doctors have been criticised for using unhelpful terms like ‘scrumptious’ appendicitis,  ‘delectable’ in-growing toenail and ‘chocolate–tee’ rectal probe. One practitioner was struck off by referring to a burns victim as ‘a toasted oat… irresistibly golden’.

We spoke to one marketing specialist, who mused: ‘It’s becoming harder to distinguish between a medical diagnosis and cereal. The only difference between Bannana Nut Cheerios and cancer, is that one is an ominously unwanted malignant mass and the other is cancer’. Indeed, inebriated student from London attested to having spent the night feasting on a ‘chewy cereal bars’ only to have discover he had gnawed off his own toes.

Gushing descriptions of modified cereal grains now blur lines with your ‘Gran’s delicious lumbago’. The confusion has got so pronounced that ‘bite-size growths’ have become acceptable provided they are sugar-coated. Playful adjectives are now suppressing our natural instinct to seek medical help. Injured athletes ignore ‘crunchy’ cartilage muscle, ‘colourful’ melanomas sound like fun and nobody minds having piles proved they are referred to as ‘juicy arse-raisins’.

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on October 1, 2014 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 549 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 35,282 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: