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England to release Scottish hostages


Regardless of the outcome of  the Scottish referendum, Prime Minister David Cameron has agreed in principal to release the thousands of Scottish citizens being held in captivity south of the border. Many have been forced into high paid banking jobs, Ministerial roles or lucrative singing contracts on the Britain’s Got Talent; all by a brutal regime of fundamentalist Morris Dancers.

Held against their will

Held against their will

Over the last three decades many Scots visited England as aid workers or to see John Robertson’s penalty ‘trounce the Sassenachs in 81’; but were never to return. Amnesty International estimate that a significant number of these were held against their will by the confusion between English and Scots banknotes.

To their shame – some Scottish families admit that radicalized teenagers have purposely travelled south to join the English or ‘…get bladdered at Glastonbury’. In fact many Scottish spinsters admit to being suspicious about reports of male hostages ‘valiantly resisting forced marriages’ to their captors, given the steep rise in ‘English gingers’

With close to a million Scottish hostages the English hold a significant bargaining chip in getting what they want – ‘Season Two of Taggart’, the intellectual rights to the song ‘Mull of Kintyre’ and use of the word ‘minging’. Meanwhile SNP leader, Alex Salmond, has not ruled out rescue options but admitted that there was ‘no desire’ to liberate Alan Cumming.

by @Wrenfoe

 

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6 comments on “England to release Scottish hostages

  1. R Wood
    October 2, 2014

    I once saw J Robertson score for Nottingham Forest in the days of the ‘sociialist republic of Brian Clough’. Does that mean I can trounce “fundamentalist Morris Dancers” too?

    • Wrenfoe
      October 2, 2014

      Lol… Heady days – Clough’s socialist republic

      • R Wood
        October 2, 2014

        I suspect he was probably a ‘Stalinist’: ‘socialism in one city’!

    • R Wood
      October 2, 2014

      Of course it doesn’t and your typing is still ‘shite’; ‘socialist’ not “sociialist”!

  2. R Wood
    October 2, 2014

    One further point: you can probably count Notts County fans on one hand. Cruel but true! What do I care? I’m a Leicester City fan — Frank Worthington, it is rumoured, went to the nearest local for a quick pint and a fag during half-time. ‘Goody-two-shoes’ Lineker — well we all know what became of him …

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This entry was posted on October 2, 2014 by in UK Defence and tagged , , , , , , .

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