The Truth about Goats
With anti-vegetable sentiment in the US reaching crisis point, the Secret Service has taken the unprecedented step of erecting a protective barrier between public and the First Lady’s ‘prize-winning turnip’. This temporary buffer zone is designed to ward off meat loving extremists, while providing a safe haven for Presidential marrows, spuds and ‘…any buried WMDs’.
In 2009 Michelle Obama joined students from Bancroft Elementary School in creating the ‘White House Kitchen Garden’, but has since dug up most of the grounds. What started as a small organic garden on the South Lawn, has now swelled so much that the plot has literally ‘thickened’. Like most allotments, the Obama’s also found their fair share of old bones, broken glass and shredded audio tapes belonging to an ‘R.Nixon’.
An unnamed federal law enforcement official claimed: ‘There is a very real fear that a Vegilante could break into the President’s potting shed and play havoc with his seedlings. The main wrought-iron barrier is an insufficient deterrent to a crazed intruder, intent on rearranging Mrs Obama’s squashes’.
Pennsylvania Avenue has been closed to vehicular traffic since 1995, but now has been supplemented by extra police patrols, surveillance and one threadbare scare-crow. One officer commented: ‘On the off chance that a member of the public may have lost the plot and tries to scale the fence, we don’t want to lose the plot. Plot…get it? You see what I did there? Plot and plot. Clever, huh? And if an intruder damaged the Obama’s garden, the plot would sicken. See, I did it again. Oh, come on – these are great puns – give peas a chance, folks’.