The Truth about Goats
In a bold, seemingly unselfish move – George Gideon Oliver Osborne, Chancellor of the Exchequer and co-incidentally the 21st great grandson of King Henry III, promised a packed Tory conference that he would scrap attempts to tax inherited wealth. Mr. Osborne said he was standing up resolutely for the common people as his father, the 17th Baronet of Ballentaylor, once had; and his father before him…the 16th Baronet…and his father before him, the 15th…all the way back to the Middle Ages.
In a heartfelt speech he told Conservatives that he knew ‘only too well’ what it was like to live penniless in a series of exclusive Independent schools, to enrol at Oxford University with only a monogrammed shirt on his back and, finally, to live with the uncertainty of just how many share portfolios and peerages he would one day inherit.
Mr. Osborne laughed at critics that suggested he might have ulterior motives in ring-fencing wealth but freezing benefits for the poor. A spokesman for the Treasury confirmed: ‘From his humble origins as the heir to a multi-million pound family wallpaper business in Chelsea; Mr. Osborne has always stayed true to his working class roots. Just because his family provide wallpaper for The Whitehouse – I’m sure we’ve all helped Hilary Clinton with her interior design needs…no?’
The spokesman told reporters: ‘We need to protect normal working class people who may have inherited chunks of Ireland as recently as 1620. They need to be confident that any itsy bitsy estates in say – County of Waterford – stay in the family; alongside a receding chin, a penchant for ermine robes and a growing conviction that the Normans had the right idea’