Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

60% of adults admit to nightmares involving Roy Keane’s stony visage


Much of the nation’s bed wetting can now be attributed to the steely glare of the ex-midfielder, scourge of the razor and failed Boyzone auditionee – Mr Roy Keane. Coupled with the fear generated by his latest autobiography, Mr Keane is also the recent recipient of the ‘Scary Bearded Fundamentalist of the Year’ award; beating entries from the Taliban and an unwaxed Mariah Carey.

Don't look in the eyes!

Don’t look in the eyes!

Born in a suburb of Cork, the young Roy was driven into the sea by terrified locals, calling upon the power of St. Patrick. Since then he has pillaged Scottish and English football pitches spreading fear and a great deal of unwanted hair in Away dressing rooms. Most Premiership footballers say Mr. Keane is the main cause of cold sweats, insomnia and studded imprints on their shins.

Now working as assistant manager for the Republic of Ireland and Aston Villa, the brooding Mr. Keane is renowned for his strict training regime and ‘scaring the bejesus’ out of Paul Lambert. Animals and small children have been known to whimper uncontrollably in his presence; while in 2001 a team of surgeons laboured three days to remove Mr. Keane’s boot from the interior of Alf-Inge Håland.

The withering look of disapproval that Mr. Keane inflicts on an unsuspecting public has been likened to the Medusa’s stare or ‘…the kind of look a Headmaster would give you, if you shat on his desk’. While Mr. Keane does hold the record for 13 career red cards, his agent scotched rumours that he had once punched a Nun in the face as she ate a prawn sandwiches.

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on October 20, 2014 by in UK Sports and tagged , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 549 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 35,268 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: