The Truth about Goats
Seventeen million Americans tuned into the fifth season of AMC’s post-apocalyptic horror show, on the deluded assumption that it was a public information film created by Fox News. As actor Andrew Lincoln waded knee-deep in zombie innards, many viewers complained that the footage was ‘not as graphic’ as the Ebola-ageddon predicted by sage and news-anchor Bill O’Reilly.
Even half way into the opening episode, with cannibals doing battle with flesh-eating undead, most watchers admitted this was ‘consistent’ with Fox’s usual coverage of Africa or the Democratic Party’s conventions. In fact, most viewers felt that beheading zombies was a far more effective screening process than the one employed in US airports.
However, while protagonist Rick and his fellow survivors head to Washington in search of virus cure; many said that it was ‘deeply unrealistic’ that any solution to the world’s problems would be found there. One upset viewer said: ‘Ebola reporting is getting hysterical. I’ve trouble distinguishing between fact or fiction. Both CNN and Fox have equated Ebola with Benghazi, ISIS and getting egged by Justin Bieber. It all sounds too horrible!’
Breaking cable TV record viewing figures, The Walking Dead is only matched by Strictly Come Dancing for gratuitous footage of lumbering, skeletal remains – too narcissistic to realise their careers are long since dead. Following the season opener, there has now been calls for borders to be closed, the Director of the CDC to resign and for all brain dead reporters to be killed on sight.