The Truth about Goats
An unmanned US space plane has landed in California, having completed its task to see if circumventing pop culture references and season ends have any impact on our ability to enjoy life. Having evaded most of Game of Thrones, Orbital Test Vehicle X-37B is reported to be in a relaxed state believing his favourite characters still to be alive; and not the grizzled victims of the Red Wedding, the Purple Wedding or the Big Gay Baratheon Wedding.
Blissfully unaware of the depraved depths to which Walter White or Mary Berry will sink, X-37B’s on board computer has been remarkably calm. Pentagon scientists are hoping that this can pave the way for human test subjects, who may have become jaded by the suspenseful or bloody endings of their favourite shows. As one scientists said: ‘Ultimately 674 days in orbit without friends and family is a fair trade-off if you get to avoid worrying about the cast of The Walking Dead’.
Air Force officials have told the US media that X-37B will need to make some psychological adjustments to cope with the significant changes since 2012. One military observer explained: ‘The world today is almost unrecognisable since when this mission began. Here we are, entrenched in an unwinnable war in the Middle East. The financial sector is fleecing us for every dime we have. And gun crime is rampant. It’s a million miles from two years ago’.
Those close to X-37B have been tasked with protecting its delicate circuitry from TV spoilers. One technician said: ‘It’s all very well saying you are better off not knowing about Olivia Colman – but you can’t hide the fact she’s won every award going. She’s in every show – she was in Broadchurch, she was Miley Cyrus’ choreographer at the VMAs and I’m pretty sure she was Ginsberg’s nipple’.