The Truth about Goats
Emerging bleary eyed, from her subterranean lair, the Duchess of Cambridge has made her first public appearance since the onset of morning sickness. Royal Bird watchers were delighted to see that she had lost none of the lustre, delicate plumage or ‘phwoar factor’ that they had been observed during her August mating ritual.
TV viewers have been transfixed by image-intensifying cameras – deep in the bowels of St. James’ Palace – which have given us high definition footage of the spawning Duke and Duchess. With a mere 240 bedrooms to choose from in Buckingham Palace, there had initially been concern that the Royal couple would struggle to find an appropriately sized nest box. For a brief period Chris Packham had offered to follow a family of working class otters, but the public showed little interest in their plebeian fish-eating antics.
The BBC’s Springwatch is synonymous for using hidden or remote cameras to capture the Royals natural behaviour. Previously viewers have been encouraged to record the passage of Spring; including blossoming trees, the arrival of swifts and the Duke Edinburgh ‘blowing the sh@t’ out of the swifts as they sat on said trees.
The birth, due in April, will be recorded in 360° detail, covered by every newspaper and commented on by Bill Oddie. In fact, the Duchess’ family has wowed conservationists with her reintroduction of beavers to the United Kingdom. Although, Kensington Palace officials were at pains to point out that she is a Royal Swan and not a Common Tit ‘…like her sister’.