The Truth about Goats
Recalling the World War I armistice, people of the Commonwealth will observe a minute’s silence, while they scramble around looking for the poppy they accidently paid for in 2002. For those unlucky enough not to work in the media industry, there will be no intern to source one for them; instead they will be forced to rummage in old drawers amid unwanted socks, tax returns and tickets to see Andrew Lloyd Webber’s ‘Stephen Ward’.
Purchased through a combination of guilt and the need to get ‘change for a stamp’, members of the public proudly wear their poppy throughout the month of November to cover an unfortunate soup stain ‘…which no amount of dry cleaning will shift’. Not only does the small artificial poppy mark the end of hostilities of WW1 but it effectively draws attention from the fact you have not shaved for two days.
One irate shopper said: ‘This is a symbol of their sacrifice. It’s also a symbol of my sacrifice. Fifty pence…jeeez! I was saving that for some sweets. Unfortunately I got cornered by a poppy seller on the high street. Remembrance? I’ll remember not to go down that road at the start of November. Fifty pee. Seriously. I had a perfectly serviceable poppy from the 1990s I was hoping to dust off.’
The only quandary is when it is politic to start wearing said poppy and when to remove it. Many treat it like Xmas decorations; appearing sometime in August and dangling remains as late as February. One retired soldier admitted: ‘It’s important we recall the fallen. But it’s more important that people get to feel a sense of moral superiority, even if they haven’t paid for it’.