The Truth about Goats
Apple’s CEO has given his support to alternate sexualities but refused to endorse any music player that refuses to sync with other devices. A spokesman for the global corporation admitted: ‘We need to be tolerant of all MP3 players regardless of brand. As a market leader we need to be more accepting of others – even if Windows Media Player is crime against nature’.
With very few opportunities for customization, many see iTunes as clear attempt to enforce specific lifestyle choices on a musically diverse public. One fundamentalist iMac user explained: ‘Mac users are people of faith. In the Book of Jobs, did it not say – He who is without DRM will cast down with the people of Sodom. He who doth try to export his playlist will be confined to hell for all eternity. While He who listens to Bono shall inherit his lenient tax code.’
Meantime Mr. Cook has said that supporting gay marriage is only possible if we learn to support a large number of music file formats. This has put him at loggerheads with the company he represents, who is still insistent on using homophobic slurs to describe Android users. A friend of Mr. Cook said: ‘Tim feels strongly that we should be allowed to marry who we like regardless of gender but even he acknowledges it’s unnatural for people to replace an iPhone battery’.
A somewhat conflicted spokesman for Mr. Cook went on to say he backed the gay and transgender people around the world but he would: ‘…sue them back to the Old Testament if they infringed on his patents’. The spokesman admitted that the struggle for equal rights was ‘tricky’ but it was nothing compared to the grief of trying recreate your iTunes library from scratch.