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George Osborne declares himself half-man half-prophet half-mathematical genius


Twenty four million UK tax payers are being sent, by the Treasury, a breakdown of Government spending – which has all the transparency of a Conservative Donor list. With the integrity of a dingo in a crèche, George Osborne has innocently offered this information to prove that ‘…Magna Carta was the last budget report that made any sense’.

This one can spell BOOBS

This one can spell BOOBS

Through an act of ‘creative accounting’ the Chancellor has managed to illustrate that no one north of the Watford gap has contributed anything to the nation’s taxes since 1215.  An elaborate pie chat of public finances, shows that 24.5% of all welfare spending goes to ‘…one tenement building in Manchester’.

At the same time, a report from London’s Centre for Research of Migration suggests that immigrants have added £4.96bn to the economy in the last three years. While a scrawled post-it from Mr. Osborne makes the counter claim that migrants have stolen ‘…two thirds of Dover’s cliffs’. This plethora of dubious numbers is said to be a harbinger of further spending cuts, a restriction of EU movement and an attempt to ‘get everyone in Scotland to work for free’.

To make matters worse for the Chancellor a recent Employment Tribunal has backed worker’s rights for overtime pay. A Treasury spokesman: ‘If you look carefully at this Venn diagram of the nation’s wealth, you can see this big money circle around the richest 1% and the poorest 55% just outside of the circle. That’s because poor people smell. They just smell. Can’t be helped. They just do’.

by @Wrenfoe

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2 comments on “George Osborne declares himself half-man half-prophet half-mathematical genius

  1. graphicmatrix
    November 12, 2014

    Well now I know we are not alone in the USA. govt transparency is an oxymoron. even on the most basic, lowest level of government (city councils) In the USA it is impossible to get the truth about how money is spent without a manipulation of the facts.

  2. Wrenfoe
    November 12, 2014

    But you at least have Las Vegas to get you used to the idea of being fleeced 😀

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This entry was posted on November 12, 2014 by in UK Business and tagged , , , , , .

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