The Truth about Goats
With the number of children living in temporary accommodation at a three-year high, it has become self-evident that the Home Secretary is socially engineering a nation of plucky, red-haired waifs. Spurred on by her love of Musical Theatre Theresa May has promised a lovable scamp on every street corner, an ‘Oliver’ look-alike in every Christmas stocking and a ‘hard knock’ existence for every immigrant.
More than 90,000 children are being deliberately schooled in how to befriend stray dogs and eccentric billionaires. One theatre critic commented: ‘Mrs. May intends on putting a Broadway production in every town. How else can you explain the Home Office spending all its energy on bogus Wars on Terror and Drugs, while real children are suffering?’
Meanwhile Liberal Democrat MP Norman Baker has resigned as a minister; claiming he cannot back Mrs May’s unrelenting commitment to the Tony Award winning Musical. With the equivalent of three children in every school being homeless, he is not convinced that for them the ‘sun will come out tomorrow.’
Even homeless families attest to being forced into unsafe accommodation where children eat meals on the floor, suffer panic attacks and bed wet. A Home Office spokeswoman confirmed: ‘This is all great character research. We encourage our homeless children to use a Stanislavski acting system and then channel that energy into West End auditions’. Although the Conservatives refused to confirm that the role of an irritating ragamuffin, oblivious to an economic depression and with uncontrollable hair is based on Boris Johnson.