The Truth about Goats
While parts of Africa are ravaged by disease, many music experts think there is more marketing potential in tackling the plight of the ducks of East Yorkshire. To this end Band Aid 30 have to decide between saving a continent filled with humans or by preventing 6,000 birds being culled; should we feed the world or feed the birds, tuppence a bag?
While 500 million Christian Africans are helpfully informed by One Direction that it is Christmas Time, the migratory birds responsible for the spread of the flu seem equally aware of the change of seasons. A spokesman for the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra) said: ‘Swallows probably don’t need to be reminded about Christmas coming up but it’s got a real resonance for ducks. Ducks have no idea about Santa Claus. This song can really raise public awareness of their Ducky ignorance. Turkeys on the other hand. They’re fine. They’re very aware that it’s Christmas time’.
Some cynical music journalists have suggested that the fastest selling single of 2014, is less about charity and more about self-promoting musicians we had hoped to have forgotten. Many have criticised Bob Geldof’s repeated refusal to wash, as a clear attempt to spread disease alongside his viral brand of music. Band Aid organisers refused to comment on the rumour that Ed Sheeran had been raised by a flock of ducks.
The original 1984 Band Aid track sold 200,000 copies in two days, but this may be eclipsed if the public sympathy can shift towards Ebola…or ducks. The DEFRA spokesman reminded us: ‘There’s a world outside your window and it’s a world of dread and fear…if you’re a duck…or Bob Geldof receiving an overdue tax bill.’