The Truth about Goats
Amid strident measures to tackle home grown terrorists, the Home Secretary has declared that insurance companies may not pay for hostages such as Nick Clegg, Vince Cable and ‘the Ginger One no one can remember’. This in turn has left Insurers confused, as no one had ever demanded their release.
Who precisely is holding the Lib Dems captive in the coalition is unclear, as many Tories have likened their presence to ‘-a fart in an elevator’. Other high profile ransom payments have previously freed Owen Patterson from the shackles of logic, Eric Pickles from a Ginsters’ factory but Ed Miliband is still be free of himself.
Theresa May said schools and universities will have to implement programmes to stop young people being drawn to the Lib Dems jihad. A Home Office spokesman said: ‘It’s all too easy for a radicalized youth to be enticed by the excitement of Clegg policies. There’s the…um…and the…er…well…they’ve got a flying worm logo, does that count?’
While Insurance Companies may be banned, Bookies who have taken bets on a Lib Dem government are equally confident about never having to pay out. One Lib Dem activist said: ‘£27.30 may not seem like much to free our ministers, but if you leave them in place who knows what damage they will do – like dry rot, a FIFA inquiry or an unscaffolded Kardashian butt.’