The Truth about Goats
With the untimely demise of Kate Price’s sole ghost-writer, the Scottish curmudgeon and one time Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has offered to take over the literary mantle. Stepping down from frontline politics, Mr. Brown has promised to channel his energies into a range of kiss and tell stories about Jordan’s involvement with Gareth Gates during Scottish Referendum, her time with Teddy Sheringham as Chancellor of the Exchequer and the sex tape she made with Alistair Darling.
All 14 of the model’s previous books were written by a ghostwriter, including three children’s books – ‘Pop up Penis’, ‘The Hungry Media Whore’ and ‘That’s not my Vajazzle’. Her first ironically titled autobiography ‘Being Jordan’ sold more than a million copies; which is 999,999 more copies than Brown’s own ‘Bigoted Woman’. Many critics are already hailing this as the literary equivalent of when Frost met Nixon ‘…but with smaller tits’.
Spending a decade as Tony Blair’s understudy has prepared Gordon Brown for staying in the shadows while another takes the limelight. Modest Brown is used to not taking the credit for things; such as the worst local election results in 40 years, insulting Rochdale’s elderly and presiding over the economic equivalent of a zombie apocalypse.
Asked if he was going to miss being an MP, Mr. Brown let out a wry smile and danced gangnam style. Likewise Jordan/Price is reportedly excited that Brown’s fiscal anecdotes will add flavour to her books and guidance in her next divorce settlement. One avid reader said: ‘I’m not sure if I want to read another book about a washed-up has-been cavorting with some sad, one-eyed trouser-snake. But I shouldn’t be mean about his disability’.