The Truth about Goats
As he rolls back public finance to the 1930s, the Chancellor announced a return to a golden age of austerity. Buoyed by the overwhelming support for his attempt to recreate the Great Depression, Mr. Osborne has agreed to bring back other firm favourites from eighty years ago; including mass unemployment, irate northerners marching on the capital and a vitamin D deficiency.
This process harks back to a time when the average Brit knew his place and that place was tugging his forelock. One historian commented: ‘The resonance the 30’s has with today is astounding. The Hindenburg crash mirrors modern aviation disasters, the SNP started their fight for an independent Scotland and in 1932 Oswald Mosley founded UKIP’.
Economists are impressed that Mr. Osborne has decided to invest less in the public than when Britain was having to fund an entire World War. A junior minister at the Treasury said: ‘The electorate are sheep and George is the shepherd. It’s a simple analogy. He’s the shepherd who happens to be starving the sheep. For their own good. While the top 5% of earners – let’s call them the wolves, for the sake of argument – helpfully offer recipes for mint sauce. Although the sheep seem to be producing less wool than they used to and the wolves claim their wool is tied up in the Cayman Islands’.
A spokesman for the Chancellor said: ‘Think how popular Mr. Osborne will be when he reduces your £½m London house to the 1930’s rate of £350. People will leap for joy. Or they would do if their rickety knock knees would let them. The 30’s were when Britain was still great; you spivs sounded like Max Miller, no pesky NHS and Germany had a Chancellor you could trust’.