The Truth about Goats
While church-goers have been permitted to celebrate the New Year in West Africa, the Liberian government has warned about the spread of infectious musical fantasies. Curbing Ebola has been a priority up until now, but this threat has been superseded by toddlers dressed as Elsa, enforced renditions of ‘Let it Go’ and heterosexual men demanding assisted suicide.
Despite the relaxing the rules on movement and gatherings, Liberian nationals are still expected to avoid over-crowding, touching and the belting of love duets. An immigration spokesman said: ‘Love may be an open door, but we need to have tighter border controls. We have seen how Disney has ravaged Western Europe; Arendelle may not be a real place but why take any risks?’
The incubation period for ‘Frozen’ is between two to twenty one viewings. At some point in the process, the victim succumbs to a compulsion to purchase exorbitantly priced merchandise. Contagion then spreads exponentially in relation to how sassy the film’s sidekick becomes. Finally they rush around knocking on every closed door, demanding to build a snowman.
A Liberian Health spokesman warned against complacency: ‘A one-night suspension of curfews is sufficient time for a family of four to indulge in warm hugs and watch an entire Disney boxset. Although admittedly, with a humid climate averaging 27° the cold never bothered us anyway.’