The Truth about Goats
In an embarrassing retraction, Fox News Corporation issued a statement confirming that US commentator Steve Emerson had completely fabricated great swathes of the West Midlands. Their humiliation was compounded by the discovery that Coventry was created by C.S.Lewis, Wolverhampton is the setting for Marvel comics and Walsall featured in acid-inspired lyrics by Slade.
A spokesman for the derided TV Channel said: ‘We apologise whole heartedly to the citizens of the UK, for implying that such a ridiculous place actually existed. Not only is Birmingham not a Muslim caliphate as we had suggested, but neither is it populated with centaurs, orcs or the popular reggae band UB40’.
While we can all accept that the TV gangster show ‘Peaky Blinders’ is set in a fictional world, it does beg the question, why have 1 million people been faking the Birmingham accent for all these years. Sociologists believe that it began with Ozzy Osbourne’s speech impediment being mistaken for a regional dialect. One pretend Brummie admitted: ‘I saw Ozzy shambling around on MTV and I just assumed I could join his indigenous lifestyle’.
Given what we now know, there is now a wider concern about other fabrications on the part of Fox News. There are fears by viewers that George Bush never joined Mensa, Mexicans have souls and that not all guns are made from jam. However, the British Government confirmed it still planned to go ahead with its HS2 rail link to the Midlands. A Travel Minister said: ‘You don’t think we’d want high speed travel to Birmingham if it was a real place, do you?’