Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

‘I have your solution’, Reaper tells NHS


Speaking to a room of packed journalists and morticians, the Grim Reaper outlined his strategic plan to reduce waiting lists with a scythe-based clog-popping initiative. Faced with unprecedented A&E queues and dwindling resources, Health officials welcomed this offer from the private sector and advised all adults over 30 not to make ‘any long term plans’.

Your fast track waiting room

Your fast track waiting room

The subsequent crack down, on ‘mortal coil dependency’ across the UK, will free NHS staff for valuable photo opportunities during the general election. One Tory minister commented: ‘We just need a return to Victorian principles, when commoners had the good grace to feed the worms rather than overstay their welcome’.  In turn, Death has agreed to cull the weak and redundant by targeting anyone with ‘so much as a sniffle’.

Emergency calls will now be transferred to an overseas call centre, staffed by cloaked skeletal figures playing chess. A doctor explained: ‘The National Health Service has just been too successful in its mission statement. A healthy nation is simply unmanageable. We need a more realistic target and title – like the National We’d Rather You Stopped Washing Your Hands Service’.

Meanwhile some critics have suggested that years of underfunding is the underlying cause behind the current crisis, rather than the public’s stubborn refusal to die. A spokesman for Death offered the counter argument: ‘There’s a fine line between ill and dead. Financially we’d like people to err on the side of the later. Let’s be honest, there are a lot of biological clues that we were no meant to live past 40; such as hairy ears, impotence and having a CD collection. At some point we all have to pay the Reaper, particularly if we can’t fund the NHS’.

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on January 22, 2015 by in UK Health and tagged , , , , .

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 558 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 36,456 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: