The Truth about Goats
It has been revealed that the Conservative Party is paying £100,000 a month to Facebook in order to subsidize David Cameron’s addiction with growing virtual crops. So engrossed in developing his online farm, the Prime Minister has begun neglecting his real world duties by spending Farm Bucks on nutcrackers, gnomes and ‘early access’ to Nick Clegg’s Horseman’s Hollow.
In the absence of any friends to spam with FarmVille requests, Conservatives have been forced to pay for in-game content. Such is the lure of the Facebook game, that most Ministers admit to spending more time in the FairyTale Fields than in George Osborne’s real life ‘dystopian cabbage patch’.
All of this comes in the same week Lowell Goddard was named as the head of a new inquiry into historical abuse down Mistletoe Lane. A spokeswoman for the Prime Minister defended his position: ‘We wouldn’t have won the last election or got to level 208 in CandyCrush without utilizing social media. Hey, do you have Facebook? Would you like to be my friend? We could raise chickens together’.
One Social Media expert commented: ‘Zynga games have allowed many impotent Ministers to feel more empowered. Theresa May is substantially more effective in Mafia Wars than the War on Terror. Philip Hammond is on permanent Bubble Safari. While Boris Johnson, the first customizable avatar, has always preferred to be Mayor of Magical Toy Town.’