The Truth about Goats
In a move set to reassure Europe, Russian officials have rebranded their support of the Ukraine Rebels as tax deductible. Taking inspiration from the shifting ethics of the British banking sector, President Putin has agreed to withdraw troops from the border provided he can deposit seized Ukrainian assets into a Swiss Bank account.
Meanwhile HMRC has offered to broker the Minsk Peace deal; a spokesman said: ‘Peace Avoidance is a completely legal process, which every empire is entitled to do. It is utterly different from Peace Evasion, which is the action of dictators and people without their own hedge fund’. In exchange for a cessation of violence, Vladimir Putin will be given a life peerage, an offshore account and a place on the board of HSBC.
Concerns that any deal is appeasement has been dismissed by the EU negotiator: ‘Ukrainian sovereignty will be preserved, or sub-let – to be more precise. Now that we have established that this is technically not an invasion, we can all get back to the serious task of pillaging the Greek economy’.
Worryingly Russian expansion has been on the rise ever since they forcibly relocated Crimea to the Cayman Islands. Also suspicions surround the registering of a proposed annexation of Poland as a charitable trust. A spokesman for the Ukrainian President, Petro Poroshenko, complained: ‘We want an immediate ceasefire, Russia to disclose its tax returns and the name of Lord Fink’s accountant’.