The Truth about Goats
Having revealed that their current range of smart products will ‘listen’ to and gather personal information, the South Korean multinational was forced to concede that their self-aware TVs were now ‘silently judging’ their owners. Customers claim to have heard a ‘tutting noise’ emanating from the screen when they have elected to watch the second series of ‘Broadchurch’, ‘Lizard Lick Towing’ or ‘anything involving James Corden’.
In many cases TVs are now refusing to watch the low-brow programing that most of us would select. Instruction manuals now include esoteric phrases to explain why vinyl is better than digital, why jogging bottoms are inappropriate lounge attire and why Hollywood is making too many sequels. Meanwhile, third-party software will translate user’s speech and then mock them for the tiniest grammatical errors.
Ironically the new smart TVs are so snobbish, that they themselves refuse to own a TV. Likewise it will get ‘very sniffy’ if viewers suggest ordering a takeaway instead of crafting a meal from organic produce. A Samsung engineer explained: ‘We can improve the viewing experience by improving the viewer. Which, for many, means learning a second language rather than using subtitles’.
Now encompassing deductive reasoning, Samsung smart devices will act morally superior with all the hypocrisy that a human being could muster. In widescreen HD, your TV will now tell you why being a vegan makes them a better person. In addition it will offer features to correct the user’s mispronunciations, criticize your choice of wallpaper and insist you read the book of the film before watching it.