The Truth about Goats
In a bold policy commitment, the Labour leader has said he would ensure all school leavers have an exit interview with Lord Sugar. This ‘apprenticeship guarantee’ would cover a range of tasks including salesmanship, requisitioning and being shouted at by a curmudgeonly millionaire.
Forced to Project Manage a collection of incompetent GCSE students, the Apprentices will embark on scavenger hunts around their schools, pursued by Baroness Karren Brady. The successful applicants will get to appear on a range of reality TV shows, while the losing applicant will work within Lord Sugar’s business empire.
Tory MP Grant Shapps has been critical of Mr. Miliband, claiming he cannot match Conservative plans for three million funded trolley attendants. While Labour has countered that their apprenticeships will provide a significant opportunity for those hoping to experience the high-flying world of fast-food catering.
Ed Miliband spoke passionately about his own apprenticeship working for a clown car manufacturer, in how it prepared him for running the Labour Party. A spokesman said: ‘All school leavers deserve to familiarize themselves with a typical British working environment. Which means being told – You’re Fired.’