Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

After 80 years, Swiss police spring into action against Swiss Banks


Like a coiled sloth, investigators have launched a search of HSBC’s Geneva subsidiary. With the urgency of a giant tortoise, Swiss prosecutors have noticed that there may be some ‘minor irregularities’ in their banks; including no locks on the doors, single digit pin numbers and a solid gold Toblerone ‘in the shape of Adolf Hitler’.

Unmarked bills, please

Unmarked bills, please

While the CIA have long described Switzerland as the hub of money laundering, the Swiss see themselves as a misunderstood – like Robert Maxwell. One financial expert commented: ‘We’ve had to put up with a lot of false criticism over the years. Don’t be put off by my fake moustache, monopoly money and this bag that says ‘swag’. Swiss banking is a beacon of ethical behaviour, which is why we are so happy to appoint Stephen Byers to our board of directors’.

Although the banking sector is still cloaked in secrecy, offshore entities and chocolate, it is hoped the HSBC scandal will lead to more arrests. One policeman said: ‘We may have the reaction speed of a nematode worm, but let me assure you, we have the bite of feisty Marmot. Oh yes, that large Swiss squirrel can put up a fight. Snarly teeth! Although, admittedly, it does bury itself away in a nest made from shredded bank statements in order to hibernate and avoid tax.’

Some regulators have suggested that this investigation is well overdue, given the Swiss predilection for helping Americans hide billions of dollars. However one elderly Argentinian, with a pronounced German accent, was full of nothing but praise: ‘The Swiss give me flexible 24 hour banking and are happy to take deposits in the form of gold teeth.’

by @Wrenfoe

Advertisements

2 comments on “After 80 years, Swiss police spring into action against Swiss Banks

  1. Inchcock
    February 25, 2015

    I had to look up nematode worm, but everything else I understood and agree with where you were coming from. Great satirical laugh, thanks!

  2. Wrenfoe
    February 25, 2015

    Nobody wants to find a nematode worm in their salad

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on February 25, 2015 by in International Business and tagged , , , , , .

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 558 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 36,490 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: