The Truth about Goats
In a week when two ex-Foreign Secretaries have been accused of corruption, many around Westminster were gratified to discover that no politician had ever done ‘a day’s work’ in exchange for a parliamentary salary. So workshy have the occupants of the House of Commons been, that not one was found to have helped constituents, fostered world peace or even bothered to have ‘paid attention’ during PM’s questions.
As the General Election looms, politicians of all persuasions have made it clear that they intend to honour their commitment to ‘take the money and run’. That is not to say Ministers will be idle during their term in office; they will work tirelessly securing Directorships and tax breaks for special interest groups. With many MPs now citing a lobbyist as their ‘next of kin’.
In separate news, it has been revealed that 98% of all Arab Sheiks are now undercover journalists. This perhaps further highlights the incompetence of politicians, repeatedly duped by Wilson and Keppel look-a-likes with a bag of unmarked bills. One journalist commented: ‘Their snouts are so deep in the private sector trough, they tend not to notice the hidden camera in my keffiyeh’.
Other MP’s backed Sir Malcolm Rifkind’s claim that they deserve ‘somewhere in the region of £5,000 to £8,000’ for half a day’s freelance work. A spokesman for parliament’s commissioner for standards said: ‘Admittedly that does put Sir Malcolm in the same wage bracket as supermodels and premiership footballers, but he does have the legs for it. MP’s only pocket 60 grand to be incompetent in the public sector. You need to pay a lot more to secure that level of failure in the private sector’.