The Truth about Goats
Men throughout the UK were outraged to discover that 0.2739726 of their year of idleness would be disrupted by the concept that ‘maybe, just maybe’ they should do the dishes for once. Women of all ages tentatively floated the idea that after several thousand years of oppression, they could be excused from a Sunday of feeding ravenous boys, catering to various appetites and being the ‘only one holding this marriage together’.
One disillusioned male said: ‘In the words of blues legend, Robert Johnson, I got up this morning and no one had made me a cup of tea!’ In fact, many men report to having received ‘withering looks’ when asking their partner to rustle up an ‘ironic’ pudding. Terse words during Sunday lunch also included the phrase: ‘Did Emily Davison die so you could have roast potatoes?’
Fortunately society has agreed that thinking about women as equals should only be an annual event, lasting no more than 24 hours. Slightly longer than Eurovision but less than the Ryder Cup. A spokeswoman said: ‘Yes, International Women’s Day is about empowering women but it wouldn’t hurt for men to look at their own lifestyles. Given that male attention spans tend to waver without sporting interludes, images of Emily Pankhurst need replacing with Gary Lineker on a trampoline’.
Next year, the Red Cross has agreed to send food parcels to those males incapable of fending for themselves. As to the success of the day, one male surmised: ‘Gender inequality, particularly in relation to wages, is an ongoing concern for all us; but ultimately, whose going to make my breakfast? My wife may get 35% less pay, but she gets remunerated with satisfaction of knowing how well she’s ironed my shirt’.