The Truth about Goats
Much to the surprise of those who spend their time checking hens for teeth and pigs for wings, the Deputy Prime Minister stunned political analysts by suggesting drug addiction is primarily a health, rather than a criminal, issue. Just for one fleeting moment, Lib Dems were reminded why they voted for Nick Clegg in the first place, why rainbows exist and why Boris Johnson on a zip wire never stops being funny.
In a joint appearance with Sir Richard Branson, Mr. Clegg actually managed to give the impression that his pants ‘were not on fire’. Applying common-sense, logic and reasoned argument, the Deputy Prime Minister caused so many double-takes, that reporters complained of whiplash. One journalist remarked: ‘I just felt really uncomfortable with him being honest. It’s unsettling. Like seeing Richard Dawkins dressed as Santa’.
Of course Mr Clegg’s litany of broken promises while in office, has made the most optimistic voter liken him to a ‘Russell Brand wedding vow’. Equally so, Liberal Democrat manifesto pledges are now greeting with the same level of scepticism we reserve for sightings of Big Foot. Many have suggested that Mr. Clegg would have to be ‘under the influence’ of drugs to actually take a principled stand on drugs.
Brushing aside claims that he was a figment of our imagination, the rejuvenated Mr. Clegg stated that he had found is his moral fibre, alongside his testacles and the lost city of Atlantis. A spokesman said: ‘This is not some self-serving statement. The Deputy Prime Minister actually believes in the issue. And there is no truth to the rumour that the Lib Dems have set up a meth lab in the basement of the House of Commons’.