The Truth about Goats
In an act of selfless charity, known philanthropist Rupert Murdoch has provided a job at media agency Storyful for criminally-inept editor, Rebekah Brooks. Many employers would have baulked at the idea of re-employing a manager that failed to notice organisational corruption on a massive scale. Not so, Mr. Murdoch, who is renowned for his open-minded attitude to socialists, environmentalists and victims of the Hillsborough disaster.
Earlier this year, Mrs. Brooks was exonerated by a jury of being even ‘vaguely awake’ during her tenure as editor of News of the World. Her lawyers successfully proved that rather than being a Machiavellian criminal at the heart of a scandal, Mrs Brooks was simply innocently clueless – like a ‘cute ginger kitten on rohypnol’.
A spokeswoman for NewsCorp said: ‘Yes, Mrs Brooks is clearly the most ineffective manager we’ve ever had. But gross misconduct is not a barrier to employment, provided you how to keep schtum. Giving the impression of competence is not always desirable – just ask Andy Coulson how much he liked Wandsworth Prison’.
While Mrs Brooks’ failures exposed Mr. Murdoch to one of the largest corruption cases in legal history, it is heart-warming to know he is a forgiving sort. The spokeswoman explained: ‘Mr. Murdoch sees Mrs Brooks as a daughter. A wayward daughter, admittedly, but one who can act dumb when she needs to, shred evidence and not snitch anyone out. What more can a father ask for?’