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Tony Blair to become the Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse

The US, EU, UN, Russia and anyone with a pulse, have all agreed that the ex-Prime Minister has ‘exhausted’ all the potential irony in being described as a ‘Peace Envoy’ and should now focus on job role for which he is better suited. Following on from Conquest, War, Famine and Death, Mr. Blair will now represent the final sign of impending doom; that of a ‘Patronizing Git’.

The scrawny Dove of Peace

The scrawny Dove of Peace

Blair himself is said to have welcomed the new role and admitted that his skeletal grin will help him to fit right in. In fact, one Bible scholar explained that his coming had been foretold; ‘And lo, I looked and beheld a white horse. And upon that horse, sat a smug, warmongering arsehole.’

There was some heated debate as to which name the ‘harbringer Blair’ should go by and thanks to Jeremy Clarkson, most epithets were already taken.  Although having overseen £2.7bn of failed investment in bringing peace to the Palestinian territories, most agree that Blair’s name is mainly associated with mud.

Political analysts agree that ‘reconfiguring’ Blair has to be more effective than re-booting ‘The Wicker Man’ with Nicholas Cage. A spokesman for Mr. Blair said: ‘Having cured cancer, world hunger and now peace – it was only a matter of time until Tony turned his mind to a more substantial challenge. Bringing about the end of the world will be tricky but he has already made a head start and it can’t be harder than reforming the Labour Party.’

by @Wrenfoe


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This entry was posted on March 23, 2015 by in International News and tagged , , , , .

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