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NHS ‘almost killed’ Farage – Doctors promise to ‘try harder’ next time

Further evidence has emerged of public health-care under-funding, as the NHS is failing to meet its target for killing off elderly racists. Doctors were forced apologise for the oversight and promised to do everything they could to give Jeremy Clarkson a dignified exit.

Missed Opportunity

Missed Opportunity

In extracts from his memoirs, Nigel Farage accused doctors of failing to spot his testicular cancer because of the huge malignant growth already attached to his genitals. Fortunately Mr. Farage’s own opinions proved too carcinogenic even for the tumour. In fact, Mr Farage’s own brand of toxicity can be used to clear up acne, cure rust and get ‘your whites whiter’.

UKIP are already committed to ending what they call ‘health tourism’, as Blackpool is ‘much nicer’ this time of year. They have also promised an extra £3bn per year for the NHS to shorten queues; although one Polish nurse offered: ‘to finish off Mr. Farage right now’.

Mr. Farage pointed out in the Daily Telegraph that had he had access to private medical insurance he would have been killed humanely, without having to deal with exorbitant carpark charges. One Health Official admitted: ‘While A&E waiting times worsen, we need to prioritize those in greatest need of a pillow over their face. Politicians like Nigel Farage deserve to be fast-tracked to an abattoir of their choice. Almost is not good enough’.


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This entry was posted on March 24, 2015 by in UK Health and tagged , , , , .

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